By Ronnie Ann Ryan
Many of my clients come to their coaching session, uttering this statement about a recent dating disappointment: “But we had such a great connection! why didn’t things work out?” Yup, you know what that’s like – when you feel like you both really seem to “GET” each other. You have a lot of eye contact and talk like you’ve known each other forever. You were having a great time and you KNOW he was too.
So why didn’t he call? Why no second or third date? What went wrong? How could such a great connection just evaporate?
First of all, most women immediately assume they did something wrong. I’m happy to report that usually, that’s totally not true. Often the dropped ball and lack of call have little, if anything to do with you. Maybe your guy was dating several women, had to go out of town, got preoccupied with work, or wasn’t really available to date you anyway. But it might have seemed like a good idea to him n that moment when he was enjoying your company.
Second, this connection thing is most likely more of a woman’s concern than a man’s. Women place a tremendous amount of importance on this connection. You’ve got to have it with a man, and when you do – you start believing it means something to HIM too. As it having that connection is a guarantee to a future together because who could let that go?
Who could walk away from that feeling of connection? Men can. And they do it all the time.
What does this connection really mean? Well, its’ a lot like chemistry. Many women tell me they have to have that sizzling, on fire, tingling-all-over chemistry or they just aren’t interested. Men without that chemistry or connection get passed over easily. Women just walk away – because he doesn’t do it for you.
So – here’s a crucial question for you. Of all the men you’ve had that hot chemistry with, the connection that goes directly and deeply into your heart like no other, how many of those relationships have worked out long-term?
Think back now carefully. Be honest. My bet is, if you had instant chemistry or connection, it dissipated as fast as it appeared. Or, if you had that type of relationship more long-term, it was a drama-ridden, rocky road. Am I right? Please let me know if I’m not.
Now I’m not saying you can’t be very attracted to the right man for you – of course you need to find him attractive. And, you need to feel like you can talk to and understand each other deeply. Just keep in mind when you meet a man who you feel this way about, please don’t think he automatically feels the same. It’s quite possible that he doesn’t.
Be smart. When you feel yourself hopping on board the connection/chemistry express – remember YOU ARE RIDING IN THAT CAR ALONE. Don’t put all your emotions and hope on that ride because it might not deliver the romance value you anticipate. When you become aware of this situation, it’s time to distract yourself to keep from building it up in your mind. Don’t let your imagination create a far-reaching future relationship without the hard evidence only time can provide.
Instead, go about your business and do what you can to not over-think the relationship. Minimize your potential disappointment and keep both feet on the ground. And, if by chance, time proves out that your connection is mutual and your man demonstrates consistency and frequency, then you can start relaxing slowly into your budding new relationship.
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