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Last year, comedian Chris Rock released a movie based on the topic of hair—specifically Black women’s hair. In it, he explored many aspects of hair care including but not limited to weaves, relaxers, and wigs. He also appeared on Oprah and declared that, “Black men don’t care about hair.” Oddly enough it seems he’s accurate. Black women seem to think more about how other women perceive their hair than they do men, while men seem to care only if the woman looks good “to them.” Weave, perm, natural hair, make-up, no make-up, artificial nails, and all the other accoutrements women think of seem to matter very little to men. So why do women go through so much trouble–To feel good about themselves or because they don’t feel good enough inside?

First let’s tackle the subject—do men prefer natural or artificial? According to a very reputable male source, “It doesn’t matter, as long as it looks good on you.” That’s comforting to hear. In contrast, Mike Wooding, a friend and reputable source who describes himself as a man who has “dated a lot and seen a lot” says, “It depends on what it is—fake hair, fake nails, fake butt—no. Fake boobs are good, if they’re not too big. The average black man would prefer natural hair, but straightened, not the neo-soul looks.” He goes on to say, “This is the type of thing that cannot be generalized. There are very specific qualities that men look for.”

It seems these men speak from opposing viewpoints, but the common thread seems to be personal preference. It’s been said over and over that “men are visual,” and what women seem to miss is that different men like different things, but looking good is only the first step…there has to be some substance—something more than just visual appearance.

In counseling single women, my best advice is to first appreciate your own natural beauty, then do whatever you like to enhance that beauty. Love yourself first and make sure that you’re at peace and comfortable with your own beauty. You can hide things like insecurity can be hidden, but they will destroy your relationship in the end. So, be confident in your own beauty, whatever that may be. Next, ladies, understand this—you don’t need to be attractive to the masses of men…just one. Wait for the one who will love you for who you are and how you look. You’re a total package—not just a nice head of hair, a nice butt or a set of boobs. You’re a total and complete woman. Don’t worry about the fact that the masses of men aren’t attracted to you—just love yourself, be happy, and get ready for the one man who will look at you and see your total beauty.